Moving through grief at your own pace

Grief is not an illness. It is a process. My role is not to speed up your grief, but to be with you in what you are going through.

Grief does not follow linear stages. Some days are manageable, others are not. The support I offer starts from where you are, with no model to follow and no imposed timeline.

The different forms of grief

Grief is not limited to the loss of a loved one. It can follow a separation, a serious illness diagnosis, job loss, retirement, a major move, or any event that ends a way of being or defining yourself. Each type of loss generates a real grieving process, even if society does not always recognize it as such.
  • Death of a loved one, a friend, a pet
  • Separation and divorce
  • Serious illness diagnosis: grieving one's health or a projected life
  • Job loss or loss of professional identity
  • Perinatal loss
  • Family estrangement or the end of an important friendship

What grief does to a person

Grief has physical, cognitive and emotional effects. Sleep disruption, difficulty concentrating, waves of intense emotion, feelings of emptiness or unreality: these are normal responses to a real loss. When these responses persist over time or prevent normal functioning, support can help.

Some people move through grief by talking. Others need time alone. Others need help accessing what they are feeling, because the pain is too great, or because circumstances did not allow for tears. There is no right way to grieve.

How long does grief last?

There is no normal duration for grief. Most griefs do not follow a linear progression: waves of emotion come back months or years after the loss, on anniversaries, during holidays, or with no apparent trigger. The useful reference point is not the calendar but the trajectory: over time, the waves should leave more and more room for ordinary life.

People around you, often well-meaning, carry an implicit timeline: after a few months, you are expected to be "doing better". That time pressure adds guilt to the pain, as if a grief that lasts were a grief done wrong. It is not. What deserves attention is grief that grows heavier instead of easing: isolation settling in, functioning that does not come back, a life that stays suspended. That signal, not the duration, is what indicates it is time to seek support.

Support, grief therapy, support groups: how to choose?

Not everyone in grief needs a therapist. Grief is a natural process: most people need to be accompanied, not treated. The right support depends on the intensity of the distress and on what helps each person: talking one-on-one with a professional, sharing with others in mourning, or working through the emotions in other ways than words.

Three main options exist in Quebec. Therapy with a psychologist or psychotherapist is called for when grief gets complicated: worsening distress, a persistent inability to function, dark thoughts. Support groups (often free, through community organizations or palliative care homes) help those who find relief in sharing with other grieving people. Individual support like the one I offer suits those who want a structured, personal space with concrete tools, especially when words are not enough and working through hypnotherapy makes sense. These options can be combined, and if your situation belongs to the first category, I will tell you during the discovery call.

I am an applied neuroscience practitioner, and I gladly explain what happens in grief, because many people worry about their own reactions. Memory bringing the person back everywhere, the tiredness, the trouble concentrating, the waves that arrive without warning: these are known effects of a brain updating a world the person is no longer in. Knowing it doesn't shorten grief, but it saves you from adding the fear of losing your mind on top of the sorrow.

What you can do on your own

There is nothing to succeed at in grief, but some supports help you move through it: keeping up basic care, allowing yourself rituals, pacing social demands, practising cardiac coherence and accepting help in a form that suits you.
  • Keep up basic care without aiming for more. Eating more or less regularly, sleeping when you can, going out for a walk: in the first weeks, holding the base is already a lot.
  • Give the loss a place through a ritual that feels like you: writing to the person, visiting a place, lighting a candle on a date that matters. Rituals give a shape to what has none.
  • Pace the social demands. You have the right to decline invitations, cut visits short, not answer. And the opposite right too: asking for specific company ("come walk with me on Tuesday") rather than waiting for people to guess.
  • Accept help in the form that actually helps: a dropped-off meal, an errand run, a silent presence. People want to help but don't know how; telling them relieves them as much as you.
  • Practise cardiac coherence a few minutes a day if you have the energy for it: six breaths a minute, roughly five seconds in and five seconds out. It isn't there to speed anything up, only to give a little rest to a body that is absorbing a lot.

What coaching can offer

In grief, coaching is useful for the practical and rebuilding dimensions: regaining daily structure, identifying needs, making difficult decisions, navigating the life changes that accompany loss. It is the space for looking forward when you are beginning to be ready.
1

Regaining bearings

A major loss is disorienting. Coaching helps identify what remains stable, what has changed, and how to rebuild a minimal routine when everything feels fragile.

2

Clarifying decisions

Grief often comes with important practical decisions: moving, changing jobs, restructuring life. Coaching provides a space to think through these without being overwhelmed by emotional urgency.

3

Identifying and communicating needs

What we need in grief is not always obvious. Coaching helps name those needs (solitude, support, movement, meaning) and communicate them to the people around you.

What hypnotherapy can offer

Hypnotherapy in grief works on deep emotional dimensions: emotions that do not surface in words, recurring images, unfinished conversations. It can also reduce anxiety and nocturnal rumination that disrupt sleep.
1

Making space for blocked emotions

The hypnotic state allows access to emotions that do not surface in ordinary life: guilt, anger, relief. Welcoming them without letting them overflow can bring significant relief.

2

Symbolic work

Hypnotic metaphors allow completing symbolically what could not be said or done: an unfinished conversation, a goodbye that never happened.

3

Restoring sleep

Sleep is often the first casualty of grief. Hypnosis sessions focused on calming the nervous system, combined with self-hypnosis, help restore more stable sleep.

What this support is not

My support is not clinical grief therapy. I am not a psychologist or psychotherapist. For complicated grief (prolonged grief disorder, suicidal ideation, significant psychological distress), psychological or psychiatric care is necessary, and I will refer you in that direction if that is the case.

What I offer is a structured support space, with concrete tools, for people in grief who need non-clinical accompaniment.

Frequently asked questions

Yes, this is very common. Many people minimize their grief because society values holding it together. If you feel that the loss is affecting your quality of life, your sleep or your ability to function, that is enough reason to seek support.

No. In fact, support during grief can help you move through the process, not just rebuild after. The right time to start is when you feel you need it.

No. An unprocessed loss can stay dormant for years and resurface during another loss or a life transition. The moment it comes back to the surface is often the right time to address it.

There is no normal duration. Some griefs ease within months, others take years, and most do not follow a straight line: waves come back long after, on anniversaries or for no apparent reason. What matters is not the duration but the trajectory: over time, are the waves leaving more and more room for life?

Not necessarily. Grief is a natural process, not an illness: most grieving people need to be accompanied, not treated. Care from a psychologist becomes necessary when grief gets complicated: distress that worsens instead of easing, an inability to function that persists, dark thoughts. In those cases I will point you to the right resources. For everything else, structured support like the one I offer is often enough.

Yes. Online sessions are just as effective for this kind of support. Many people actually appreciate being able to stay in their own space after a session.

Going through a difficult loss?

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David Veilleux

Written by David Veilleux, PCC certified coach and certified hypnotherapist in Quebec. Last updated July 16, 2026.

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